Communication and Release (3)

This is the third post in series about anger based on the book "Women at work: strategies for survival and success" by Anne Dickson.

First post focused on the emotion of anger and the possible reasons for it. In the next one I have written how blame is included in the most often used way of expressing anger, aggression. Here I would like to finish this topic by describing appropriate ways of dealing with anger: communicating it without blame and releasing it.

The only way to change the underlying causes of anger is to let the other people know about this emotion and what they have done that caused it. Blame has to be put aside during this communication (with blame it would turn into aggression and cause the other person to be defensive making resolution impossible). No speaking down to people, no sarcasm. That’s a lesson for me. I used to use sarcasm lavishly... Now that I have learned that this is a form of aggression and makes people feel offended and defensive I need to eliminate it from my behaviour.

Looking back on the last two weeks I think that it was through communication that I managed to solve the main reason of my December anger and frustration, without even knowing that this was the right way to deal with it. The reason for my frustrations was the lack of structure, not knowing what my project was and what I should be working on. It took me several revisions to write about my need for clarity and support to my boss without any anger in there. And it solved the problem, I got the clarity and support that I needed.

Now, communicating the problems alone is not enough to effectively deal with anger. The other part of the equation is release. It would not be appropriate to release the anger directly in the situations that cause it. It has to be released later. Dickson suggests several ways, screaming, singing loudly in the car, playing loud music, writing all thoughts in the letter (and destroying it later) or going for a walk or a run.

I recently started running. Mainly for health and fitness, but I also hoped for some release. Unfortunately this does not seem to release my anger. Writing it down is better (or fantasizing about damaging some people cars), but I am still to find ways that are helpful for me. So far venting to this blog was the most effective release.

This small chapter in a unknown career advise book turned out to be spot on to help me in my current situation and in general to open my eyes about anger, its causes and ways of dealing with it.